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CalypsoBelle
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2008 22:11 - Edited by: CalypsoBelle
1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you,
but don't start anything.'
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and
says: 'A beer please, and one for the road.'
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this
taste funny to you?'
7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.' 'That
sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.' 'Is it common?' Well, 'It's Not
Unusual.'
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.' 'I don't
believe you,' ! says Dolly. 'It's true; no bull!' exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to
look at either.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't
find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!' The doctor replied, 'I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!'
13. I went to a seafood disco last week....and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and
says, 'Dam!'
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in
the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing
in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an
hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
'But why,' they asked, as they moved off. 'Because,' he said,
'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'
18. A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes
to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family
in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of
himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her
husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband
responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very
little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered
from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
........ A super-calloused fragile mystic! hexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his
friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh.
........................... No pun in ten did.
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seahorse
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# Posted: 13 Aug 2008 22:52
That is really funny, thanks for the good laugh, CalypsoBelle
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stantheman
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 04:58
Not bad, CalypsoBelle, not bad at all. Nos. 17 and 20 get my votes for top puns.
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Ozmaid
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 08:24
Brilliant CB, brilliant....loved them all.....rofl..
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Jessie
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 09:08
Fantastic CalypsoBelle - you certainly gave me a laugh this morning!
Jess x
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Liesl Grimm
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 10:23
Thank you Calypso. Some made me laugh out loud even. They have really set the mood for my day.
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Puzzler
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 13:15
Well done CB, they sure gave me a laugh!!!
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daffydill
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 14:22
Superb comedy, CalypsoBelle.
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CalypsoBelle
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 14:41
I can't take any credit for these, they were emailed to me.
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vampire
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 15:09
Thanks for cheering me up CalypsoBelle (thanks for sharing). I needed it as it's 4 weeks today since my mum passed away.
Hugs, vampire
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CalypsoBelle
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 15:19
So sorry to hear that Vampire, hugs back.
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Lakedraxis
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# Posted: 14 Aug 2008 22:48
Well done CalypsoBelle, we need more posts like this one :)
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footsteps
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# Posted: 15 Aug 2008 12:58
Hi every-one This one might amuse you, A married man started an affair with a woman with the unusual name of clearly ( very unusual) , but his feelings of guilt got the better of him and he told his wife lorraine what he had done. He told Clearly it was over between them and by way of an apology to Lorraine he took her on a picnic in the mountains and as she was leaning over a cliff looking down , he couldnt resist the chance and pushed her over the edge and he could be heard singing as he walked away I can see Clearly now Lorraine is gone.Cheers footsteps
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Ozmaid
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# Posted: 16 Aug 2008 08:19
Rofl....good one, footsteps!
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BooBooMonster
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# Posted: 17 Aug 2008 10:53
Loved em all CB! my favorite is the one about Gandhi #17. More More! Bravo!
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frogscomeplay
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# Posted: 17 Aug 2008 15:04
Great jokes CB. I like yours too footsteps. We all need a good laugh from time to time.
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Shaznic
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# Posted: 18 Aug 2008 21:02
Hey all
You guys are brilliant. Just the tonic for a cold winters night..... a good belly laugh. Well done!!!!
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